Well that only took 10 years…

Now that Jeff and Clara are old people, there isn’t much to look forward to when birthdays roll around. In high school, we had so much to look forward to, like turning 16 and being able to drive, 18 and being able to gamble, 19 and being able to drink, turning 21 and being able to drink and harass Americans (Clara awaits this one anxiously).

A pile of pogs
So wait, you want me to pay HOW MUCH for little round pieces of cardboard?

Now the only milestones left are things like mid-life crises and being over the hill. But alas, unlike other kids, Clara and Jeff decided to save one of these little joys until now: getting a driver’s license. For Clara, the need to drive was limited by the fact that she could basically bike everywhere in London or, on the rare occasion that one shows up, take a bus. She’s environmentally conscious like that. Despite Jeff’s love for burning fossil fuels and wantonly spraying aerosal cans at the sky and cursing that ableist bitch Mother Nature, he figured there was no point getting his license as an adapted van would likely cost close to $100,000. That’s a lotta pogs for a 16-year-old.

But today, everything changed. Clara and Jeff, in a bold step towards adulthood, joined the pimple faced masses at the local MTO office and wrote their G1 and, believe it or not, passed! That’s right, someone in this world is actually willing to legally allow Jeff and Clara behind the wheel of a motor vehicle (aka: murder rocket). The disappointing thing is no one would let Clara actually drive the van home from the testing place…something to do with “you don’t even know what the gas pedal is” or some shit. While disappointing to Clara, the school bus of children that were not slaughtered by her are probably greatly appreciative.

In fact, I think their parents owe us money as a reward for their children’s lives. If you are a parent and have a child going to school in London, please send us money. Thank you in advance and we hope you enjoy the next 5-10 years with your children…then they’ll be teenagers and you’ll wish Clara had driven home after all.

– Jeff and Clara