Archive for September, 2011

Don’t Ignore the Invisible Gorilla

0 No Comments

Humans are crap at multitasking. There I said it. I’m not talking chewing bubble gum and walking at the same time, but the real stuff–like trying to talk to someone while you’re reading a book. People chortle on about how great they are at multitasking but, believe me, they are lying to themselves (and, more importantly, you).

Cover of the Invisible Gorilla

And the Gorilla was like: “Huh. Did you know they sell bananas at the JLC now?” And Chris Moorhead was like: “My lawyer told me not to talk about it.”

In fact, a study was done by two professors at the University of Illinois into our ability to process information, in an experiment now dubbed “The Invisible Gorilla,” to show how people can miss important information if they’re too focused on one specific task. Essentially, participants were asked to watch a video of people dressed in white shirts and black shirts and to count how many times people with white shirts passed a basketball. About halfway through the video, someone dressed in a gorilla suit walks through the screen, thumps their chest and growls, finally exiting stage left. When asked afterwards, participants could normally tell you how many passes were made, but over half the participants had no idea a gorilla had walked through the stage. More importantly, when the tape was shown to them again they couldn’t believe they’d missed something so obvious. I’m going to be honest with you, I totally missed the gorilla too when I watched the video the first time.

This might seem like just a kooky psych experiment, but I think it holds particular import right now as we close in on October 6th. Here in Ontario, there is a gorilla beating his chest in the middle of the screen and, somehow, a ton of us have missed it.

Let me take you back to the 90s. Remember those times? The Leafs weren’t terrible yet, Saved by the Bell and Fresh Prince were still on TV. Life was pretty good. Except there was this man named Mike Harris in charge. A man who thought it was a dumb idea to provide funding for things like schools and hospitals, so he chopped and slashed and closed a bunch of them down. Remember that guy? Remember how we promised ourselves we would never, ever vote for the party that gutted our social services? If so, why are some 34% of Ontarians considering voting for the Progressive Conservatives next week?

Tim Hudak's face on a gorilla

The size of his cranium indicates he’d make a good leader. Either that or he’s ready to mate.

Despite what you think of Dalton or Andrea, the most terrifying proposition here is Tim “I Love Mike Harris” Hudak. If you can believe it, before being elected the head of the PC Party in Ontario, Hudak’s platform was essentially that he was a proud Harrisite. Oh good gravy, Mike Harris is back and he’s wearing a Tim Hudak suit.

Through the constant “We Can’t Afford Dalton” commercials, to the conservative candidates not showing up to local debates, the Conservatives are clearly running a pretty simple campaign–don’t look at the man behind the curtain.

My only hope is that when Ontarians step into the voter box on the 6th they aren’t so busy counting how many passes are made to miss the man in the Hudak suit, thumping his chest directly in front of us.

Two gorillas fighting with light sabers

Humans are crap at multitasking. There I said it. I’m not talking chewing bubble gum and walking at the same time, but the real stuff–like trying to talk to someone while you’re reading a book. People chortle on about how great they are at multitasking but, believe me, they are lying to themselves (and, more importantly, you). […]

Read More

Part-time Job

0 No Comments
Part-time Job

Click to enlarge

I’m just thankful I have the proper permits…those mall cops take those stickers quite seriously. In other news, what exactly has Griff killed for?

TRANSCRIPT:

Cell 01

Rhett:
Are you going to sign up for ODSP?

Cell 02

Griff:
I’m stackin’ too much paper my part-time job so I don’t qualify.

Cell 03

Griff:
S’okay though, I kinda dig gettin’ my swag the ol’ fashion way. Got a real sweet position too. Lots of authority.

Cell 04
Image of Griff rolling up to a mother and two young kids at the wheelchair table in the food court.

Griff:
Ma’am, you got a proper permit to be sitting at the handicapped table?

Woman:
Um, no? We’re just eating lunch.

Cell 05
Griff pulls out a crowbar.

Griff:
Ya’ll best be steppin’ off then. And if you be resistin’, I’m not above brutalizing a woman in front of her progeny.

Cell 06
Woman and children running away, Griff looking philosophical.

Griff:
People be thinkin’ this sticker is just a joke or something. It ain’t. I’ve killed for less, lady.

Part-time Job

I’m just thankful I have the proper permits…those mall cops take those stickers quite seriously. In other news, what exactly has Griff killed for? TRANSCRIPT: Cell 01 Rhett: Are you going to sign up for ODSP? Cell 02 Griff: I’m stackin’ too much paper my part-time job so I don’t qualify. Cell 03 Griff: S’okay though, […]

Read More

ODSP

0 No Comments
ODSP

Click to enlarge

Hrm. This program sounds kind of familiar.

TRANSCRIPT:

Cell 01

CAPTION: After School…

Principle:
Now, Rhett, Mr. Harlem tells me you had some…ahem…choice…words regarding F.A.T.S?

Cell 02

Harlem:
Tell’um that mumbo jumbo you’ve been spewing all afternoon.

Rhett:
Converting physical labour into fetishized commodity is against the rules of nature.

Cell 03

Principle:
I think I understand what’s going on; you’re just worried you won’t be able to participate on account of your afflictions.

Rhett:
Afflictions? No, it’s Marxism.

Cell 04

Principle:
Right, Marxism. Well you don’t need to worry son, we won’t let your Marxism get in the way of you earning some F.A.T.S. It just so happens I have a great idea.

Cell 05

Principle:
Any student who can’t earn F.A.T.S because of their “problems” will be put in a program that awards them some F.A.T.S every month—not as much as the people working really hard, of course, but just enough to get by.

Cell 06

Harlem:
That’s a terrible idea, ripe for abuse. People who aren’t disabled will try and get on and the disabled will just find ways to con the system.

Cell 07

Principle:
We’ll just have a rigorous screening process that goes into exorbitant, humiliating, detail about medical history and such. You know, just pages and pages of forms and paper work to prove you’re of an arbitrarily decided qualifying disability. Of course, they’ll also need to continually prove their disablement…just in case they get cured or something.

Cell 08

Principle:
And we’ll make them report their income—I’m sure they won’t mind giving us complete oversight and rigorous controls over their finances. And if they go over the monthly limit, even by just 5 tokens, we’ll just clawed back their monthly allocation and repeat offenders will get kicked off. That way no one can get rich off the program.

Cell 09

Principle:
And we shall call this service “Obviously Disabled Special Points,” ODSP for short.

Rhett:
I think you may have misunderstood my concerns…

ODSP

Hrm. This program sounds kind of familiar. TRANSCRIPT: Cell 01 CAPTION: After School… Principle: Now, Rhett, Mr. Harlem tells me you had some…ahem…choice…words regarding F.A.T.S? Cell 02 Harlem: Tell’um that mumbo jumbo you’ve been spewing all afternoon. Rhett: Converting physical labour into fetishized commodity is against the rules of nature. Cell 03 Principle: I think […]

Read More

Forced Labour

0 No Comments
Forced Labour

Click to enlarge

This episode is dedicated to the fine folks at rTraction, a local web design company, who donate SO much time, money and energy to making London a better place. You don’t see that too often from a private business and they’re a business we can and should be really proud of.

Keep up the great work over there 🙂

TRANSCRIPT:

Cell 01

Principal:
It’s come to our attention that at some point over the summer, many of you have developed a bit of an unhealthy weight problem.

Harlem:
You’ve ballooned out like a Palin kid before their wedding.

Cell 02

Principal:
Um. Yes, well, we’ve decided it’s our responsibility as educators to help combat the plague of obesity that’s befallen our school and are proud to announce a new program to help us in this fight.

Cell 03

Principal:
After this assembly, you will all be given custom debit cards. Every time you complete some form of physical activity you will be awarded points for the “Fitness and Activity Token System.” Walk to school? You earn F.A.T.S. Take phys ed? You get F.A.T.S. Join a sports team? You’ll be rolling in F.A.T.S.

Cell 04

Principal:
Thanks to a wonderful donation from local web developer we have opened a brand new store in the cafeteria where you can use your hard earned F.A.T.S for everything from electronics to clothing.

Cell 05

Principal:
Physical labour will get you cool stuff, while at the same time helping you get healthy. Our entire school will now be a functioning economy run on F.A.T.S.

Cell 06

Harlem:
Get ready to sweat, fatties, because your bubble butts have blown their last butt bubble.

Forced Labour

This episode is dedicated to the fine folks at rTraction, a local web design company, who donate SO much time, money and energy to making London a better place. You don’t see that too often from a private business and they’re a business we can and should be really proud of. Keep up the great […]

Read More

Tim Hudak on Foreigners

0 No Comments
Tim Hudak on Foreigners

Click to enlarge

Hrm. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this speech before? I’m sure there’s a logical explanation

Like last election, we’re going to be putting up weekly attack ads on Mondays, except this time they will all be focused on Tim Hudak because, seriously, we can’t let this guy win.

Tim Hudak on Foreigners

Hrm. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this speech before? I’m sure there’s a logical explanation… Like last election, we’re going to be putting up weekly attack ads on Mondays, except this time they will all be focused on Tim Hudak because, seriously, we can’t let this guy win.

Read More

Join the Army

0 No Comments
Join the Army

Click to enlarge

Dear Michigan Militia who may be reading this comic.

Please don’t mistake us for Red Coats the next time we’re in Michigan.

Thank you,

Jeff & Clara

PS: Welcome to Season 4 of Cripz. Yay!

TRANSCRIPT:

Cell 01

CAPTION: First day back to school

Rhett:
Man, it feels like we just left this place…

Griff:
Yooo, Gordo! How was your summer, man? Do anything fun?

Cell 02

Gordo:
Surprisingly. Left this god-forsaken town. Did a pre-packaged vacation.

Rhett:
Oh ya? Where’d you go? Europe?

Gordo:
Michigan. Militia Compound. One month.

Cell 03

Gordo:
Really looked forward to it too. Spend time with my kinda people; gun owning, freedom loving patriots.

Not the granola munching, Marx humping, science-o-philes we got up here in Canuckistan.

Cell 04

Gordo:
But low and behold, when I arrived I discovered something was rotten in the state of Michigan—they’d gone soft. None of them had even killed someone before. If you haven’t spilled blood before how can we trust you to do it when King George comes back to get what’s his?

Cell 05

Gordo:
The whole lot of them had gone soft since 1776. It was my responsibility, my duty to the home of the brave and land of the free, to whip these lard asses back into shape.

Cell 06

CAPTION: First, I had to get rid of the current commander. With him out of the way, taking the throne would be a piece of cake.

Militia Man:
This is bull-crap. Do I look like Osama bin Laden? We killed that guy months ago!

FBI Agent:
This is for your own safety, sir. Bin Laden has magical powers we can’t even begin to understand…

Cell 07

CAPTION: Next, I had to implement a new fitness and nutrition regiment.

Gordo (standing on a dead bear with a bite out of it):
You kill it, you eat it.

Cell 08

CAPTION: But when I starting teaching them how to properly interrogate a captured enemy they said the militia wasn’t “fun” anymore and they kicked me out.

Gordo (holding a bucket and towel as they walk away):
Can’t take a little water boarding, you babies?!

Cell 09

Gordo:
So I decided to take my ball and go home. And their balls too…and by balls I mean assault rifles. Good luck stop the red coats now, you ragamuffins.

Join the Army

Dear Michigan Militia who may be reading this comic. Please don’t mistake us for Red Coats the next time we’re in Michigan. Thank you, Jeff & Clara PS: Welcome to Season 4 of Cripz. Yay! TRANSCRIPT: Cell 01 CAPTION: First day back to school Rhett: Man, it feels like we just left this place… Griff: […]

Read More